This best seller about the marriage relationship has helped many couples move from "The Crazy Cycle" to "The Energizing Cycle." The book cites numerous examples of marriages that moved from hanging-by-a-thread to joy and wholeness.
In Part One, veteran pastor, counselor and conference speaker, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs explains the most basic needs of men (respect) and women (love) based on Ephesians 5:22-28. He highlights the ways in which women see and hear the world—she, through pink glasses and hearing aids/he, through blue glasses and hearing aids. Eggerichs shows how couples become entrenched in a never-ending, unhealthy spin cycle. His superb insights zero in on the emotional makeup of men and women. He shows how failing to understand these truths exacerbates crazy relating. One analogy he uses is that of an air hose. When one partner is stepping on the other’s air hose, it’s impossible to relate in healthy ways.
Part Two is dedicated to showing how to move to the kind of relating that will energize your relationship and meet the needs of husband and wife. Chapters are divided into advice for husbands about wives, using the acronym “COUPLE” and advice for wives about husbands using the acronym “CHAIRS.”
Part Three discusses “The Rewarded Cycle,” with biblical support and encouragement for relating in godly ways despite fears. Ultimately, the journey is about one’s personal relationship with God.
Throughout the book, Eggerichs offers snippets of conversations he’s had with couples trying to break out of unhealthy patterns of relating. Also included are portions of many letters he’s received from his conference participants. The letters from those who have put the author’s ideas into practice are helpful and prove his points. However, sometimes, the constant reference to his seminars seemed like a little too much advertising. That’s my only criticism of the book.
While clearly distinguishing between unhealthy relating and outright abuse, Eggerichs offers hope to those who think the principles won’t work for their situation. He believes that the Church has done well in explaining the importance of husbands loving their wives but has been weak in teaching about the husband’s need for respect. He cites many examples of people who say they’ve never heard it taught so clearly. However, many popular Christian books on marriage teach these same principles.
Finally, the author was refreshingly honest in depicting his own past and current struggles in these areas. His openness will encourage those who are looking to break out of unhealthy patterns. Valuable appendices help you do your own marriage inventory, provide advice on how to ask your mate to meed your needs, and offer thoughts about exceptional situations.*****
A complimentary copy of the book was provided for review by the publisher, Thomas Nelson.
